happy thoughts

I badly needed to remember that when dark clouds come, YOU bring out your own sun.
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answer the question
you ask
look far away for the truth
it should be there, somewhere
you say
when courage was all that it took.

you want it but it costs
too much
this thing you don’t
think you deserve
if you looked up long enough
you’d see
faith has been given for free.

you fear the things
you don’t know
when there’s only one truth
worth believing:
you’ll grow a majestic tree
from a seed
if you trust you have all that you need.

lora g.
8.29.07

morning musings

It's funny how the most random things have such power to manipulate emotions. Maybe it's my current state of mind, or of heart, but in the past few months I finally understood how life truly turns into a rollercoaster ride at some point. It's been frustrating knowing that one little thing can trigger an unexpected flow of tears, but at the same time inspiring to know that the smallest gestures, by myself or others, can instantly turn it around and keep me positive again. Today it was staying up to catch the sun rise, hearing Petra Haden's Moon River (I'd never heard a woman, save for myself in the shower, sing it before), and realizing that my favorite time of year is just a couple of months away, that propelled my day to a good start. Praise God for the little things.

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I've grown averse to negative feelings. Anger, hurt, disappointment--these feelings never threatened me as much as they do now. I'd always taken pride in being transparent, in unabashedly showing what and how I feel without fear. But now it surprises me to discover just how much effort I put into fighting these feelings, just how fearful I am of seeming vulnerable or weak. This just isn't me.

I pray that soon, I can channel all these feelings into something productive, even if it manifests itself into a simple, cohesive blog entry.